Appendix F Family Stories

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Appendix F: Family Stories

▪ Avery ▪
When I learned that my son, Avery, had a “life-limiting” illness, I felt that I
had again failed as a mother. Why? I had previously lost three babies
before they even had a chance on this earth, and I was now hearing that
the life growing inside me was “more than likely never going to make it.”
If he did, the prognosis was very grim. Avery was diagnosed with two
very rare brain conditions, schizencephaly and Walker-Warburg
syndrome.
Many people think I was given Avery because I am such a “strong,
brave, knowledgeable” mother. The truth is that I am the one who was
given the gift of a child like Avery. In turn, our family discovered the gift of a team of people who
have supported us throughout our time with Avery.
During one of our many hospital stays, I was introduced to the “Butterfly Program.” Things like
palliative care were discussed. Not wanting to feel as though I was “giving up,” I didn’t pursue
this option for Avery. Several months later, I was again offered this service and it was the best
decision I have made – for my son and my family as a whole.
From the initial phone call through today, the program has been a huge resource and comfort to
our family. It has brought the most caring, compassionate people into our journey. Our team
includes music and art therapists, a social worker, nurses, doctors, and a chaplain. His nurse,
Kat, is an extraordinary woman who has always put Avery’s comfort and our wants and needs
first. She collaborated with me to give him what we wanted for him – a quality of life, not just a
harsh existence. His chaplain, Paul, has prayed and sung with us, and enjoyed simple moments
with us, as has the whole team. I truly cannot put into words what our social worker, Suzanne,
has given our family. She has walked us through the hardest choices a parent would have to
make – funeral plans for a child that you still hold in your arms. Suzanne was by our side
helping us pick a spot for my son, something I thought imaginable. Yet, because of Avery’s
team, I have peace in my heart and mind that I am doing what we feel is right for our son.
There is never a moment that I do not have these amazing people there to help, to cry, to
laugh, and to support his life, his journey, our journey. To say that this care is a great resource
would be a huge understatement. Our team has been a gift of comfort, love, and sometimes
the push that we needed to embrace Avery.

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▪ Levi ▪
My son, Levi, was born in Minneapolis with severe brain
damage. After Levi spent three weeks in the neonatal
intensive care unit, the doctor encouraged us to care for our
son at home with the support of a palliative care team. My
husband and I were excited to leave the hospital, but
frightened to care for our first child who also had medical
complexities. How would we manage?
When we got home, our nurse and social worker were
waiting. They stayed for a long time, helping us navigate
those first fragile moments and building our confidence. Daily the nurse returned to answer
questions and help with fears. He taught me to keenly observe, care for, and communicate with
my son. The nurse also helped me understand that I am my son's expert and advocate. He
taught by example the importance of being fully present.
Our team used thoughtful questions to help us identify our values and make decisions about
care for Levi, both daily and in an emergency. We worked through must-do and must-avoid lists.
Our team also helped us understand the connection between the body, mind, and spirit.
When he was six months old, Levi caught pneumonia. Our team helped us with the details of
how to care for him in a way that supported our care plan. They helped us determine it was time
to expand our medical “toolbox.” Thanks to our team, we avoided hospitalization during a
difficult two months.
Levi remained on home-based palliative care for four years as we gradually became more
confident in caring for him. We spoke to a chaplain about our faith and the hard realities of
parenting Levi. We engaged a respite volunteer who learned how to care for Levi. We
welcomed music therapy as a way to increase his comfort and joy, and to address issues like
anxiety, pain, and sibling play.
What does palliative care mean to us? A team of people who know Levi – his history, care plan,
challenges, and what may lie ahead. It means people who know me – my personality,
preferences, and fears. It means a team we can call upon anytime. It means customized care
with creative approaches that consider our family values, culture, structure, and faith.
Palliative care also means fewer hospitalizations, which are expensive, exhausting, and risky.
Due in great part to his team, Levi has only been hospitalized three times in his five and a half
years of life. Less hospitalization is just one of many ways our team supports emotional and
financial “savings” in our lives.
Levi was not expected to live beyond a few days let alone long enough to form a relationship
with his younger brother. I can honestly say that without the partnership of Levi's team, he
would not be alive today and enjoying such a high quality of life. We believe that palliative care
should be the standard of care for all families.

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▪ Molly ▪
“What do you want for Molly’s life?” As I sat in the children’s
hospital, that question stopped me in my tracks. It led me to
consider all of the hopes and dreams of my then seven-yearold daughter, to cherish each moment, and to think about
making the most of her life. Just a year and a half earlier we
learned she had severe pulmonary hypertension.
Molly faced many obstacles, including cardiac arrest,
extracorporeal membrane oxygenation (ECMO), being
placed on an artificial lung, and a serious brain injury. It was
hard to believe that Molly would not survive. Even after
meeting with the palliative care team, where we discussed
the reality of Molly’s future, I never gave up hope! When palliative care was mentioned, my mind
raced to hospice. I had no idea that the main goal of palliative care is assuring quality of life with
a focus on living. The team empowered our family to live as fully and normally as possible,
doing things like painting pottery and eating ice cream cones way past bedtime. Meeting with a
physician, a nurse, and a social worker provided support to our whole family in many ways. It
allowed us to share thoughts and fears, to get answers to questions we didn’t know we had. It
also helped us support our other two children through the loss of their sister.
The palliative care team was there for us every step of the way. They assured us that they
would do everything they could to assist our family. Members of the team were present at the
end of Molly’s life and made sure that she was comfortable. They lifted us up after her passing
and stood with us as we learned to pick up the pieces. They were an invaluable part of our
health care team, and for that, we are eternally grateful.
We were so profoundly affected by our team that we formed a foundation, in Molly’s memory, to
educate others about the benefits of palliative care. It is our hope that families of children living
with chronic health conditions will be open to working with a palliative care team. We hope that
they not fear it, but embrace it, as they figure out how to live to the fullest despite obstacles
along the way.

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▪ Jake ▪
My son, Jake, is a beautiful 19-year-old, who suffers
from mitochondrial disease and Dravet syndrome.
These life-limiting, progressive diseases have no cure.
Jake is developmentally delayed, has significant medical
needs, and has hundreds of seizures per year. He lives
at home with his family, and despite obvious challenges,
Jake is generally a happy and loving child who enjoys a
good quality of life.
Parenting a child with complex medical needs is, at best, stressful and challenging. It is often
exhausting, frightening, isolating, and overwhelming. Those emotions can be mixed with
feelings of great joy and gratitude. Sadly, a serious diagnosis often means a life-limiting
prognosis, and an ever-present worry about end of life. Parenting such a child long term can be
especially challenging. On one hand, you have the gift of time with your child, and yet, there can
be years of uncertainty, grief, and fulltime caregiving and care management.
What can make a world of difference to such patients, parents, and families? A network of
resources and care providers who can help to ensure support at each stage of the journey. Our
family was lucky enough to have an insightful and compassionate physician who referred us to
a statewide pediatric palliative care network in our home state of Massachusetts. Unfamiliar with
palliative care, I mistakenly associated it with the end of my child’s life and avoided it. It took a
few gentle follow-up conversations with our physician before I was ready to welcome palliative
care and to explore what it could offer.
Here’s what palliative care has meant to us. It has provided Jake with years of comfort care,
including music, massage, and pet therapy, helping him to feel happy and relaxed. It has
provided us with a medical team who knows our family, understands our goals, sees the big
picture, and helps us think through difficult decisions. It has allowed us, at our pace and without
judgment, to discuss end-of-life planning. Whether it is a therapist, nurse, social worker, or
chaplain, we have benefitted from a team of caring and resourceful providers who have our
family’s best interests in mind.
Seven years later, palliative care continues to be an essential part of Jake’s care. It provides
comfort, helps us maintain a good quality of life for him at home, and makes sure our family is
supported.