Attachment C. CUES safety card - HMRE programs

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How Strong is Your Relationship? Education Card for Healthy Marriage and Relationship Education Programs
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STRIVE Version
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HOW STRONG IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP?





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How’s It Going?
Everyone deserves to have partners who listen to what they want and need. 
Caring relationships involve:
    • Love and respect
    • Communication that doesn’t blame the other person when there are problems
    • Space to spend time with other people
    • Supporting the other person’s hopes and dreams
    • Both partners consenting to intimacy and sexual activity
    • Working together as parents, if you have children
These qualities can lead to better health and a longer, happier life.
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Conflict Happens
All relationships have conflict, but sometimes they become abusive, such as when a person:
    • Shames or humiliates the other
    • Controls where the other person goes and how they spend their money
    • Spies on the other person
    • Hurts or scares the other with their words or actions 
    • Makes the other engage in sexual behaviors when they don’t want to
    • Keeps the other from their job or school
These experiences are common. Most people know someone who has been hurt by a partner or caregiver in their lifetimes. If something like this is happening to you or a friend, call or text the hotlines on this card.
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Helping a Friend or Family Member
Even if you haven’t experienced abuse in your relationship, chances are you know someone who has been abusive or has been abused. You can:
    • Tell them they are not alone
    • Offer encouragement and support
    • Give them this card and say: “Hey, someone gave this to me. It has ideas on places you can go for support and things you can do to have a stronger and safer relationship.”
When you help others, it helps you too!
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Abuse Can Affect Your Health
Whether you have experienced abuse or have been abusive, your health can be negatively impacted.
Abuse is connected to:
    • Stress and anxiety
    • High blood pressure 
    • Drug and alcohol misuse
    • Unplanned pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases
    • Trouble sleeping and depression
Talking to your health provider about these connections can help them take better care of you.
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Difficult Childhoods
Many people (1 in 4) grew up in homes where there was abuse or other difficult situations. 
    • Maybe someone was hurting you or someone you love. 
    • Maybe you were worried about where you would live or having enough food to eat.
    • Maybe your family couldn’t care for you how they wanted to, or they weren’t around.
Childhood can be painful, but healing is possible.
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Stronger You
There are things you can do to feel stronger and to help you heal from past harm.
    • Focus on empathy and not self-blame for our childhood experiences.
    • Talk it out with someone you trust.
    • Embrace your individual, community, and cultural strengths and values to help you heal.
    • Move your body - it calms the brain and body and helps you feel better. 
    • Breathe deeply and slowly.
    • Go for a walk, splash cold water on your face, be aware of negative thoughts, and change what you say to yourself.
Seek support within your community, friends, and family, or talk to a professional for counseling, therapy, or life coaching. 
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Safety Planning
If your partner is hurting you, it is not your fault. You deserve to be safe and treated with respect. 
“Safe” looks different for everyone. Here are some things that can help: 
    • Remember what you have done in the past that has worked to keep you safe. 
    • Prepare an emergency kit with money, a phone charger, keys, medicines, birth certificates, and shot records in case you have to leave quickly. 
    • Talk to people in your life who can help you get safer.
    • Call the hotline numbers included in this card.
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You Can Change
If you have been abusive in your relationship, you can choose to change your behavior and heal from past harm.
    • Learn more about abusive behaviors, including emotional, financial, and sexual abuse.
    • Look at yourself honestly and take responsibility for your behavior.
    • Seek support - there are programs that can support you in changing your behavior.
Change can be hard; it requires seeking new pathways, thinking, responses, and directions. But all your relationships will benefit, and you will feel better about yourself.

Info 
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Everybody needs support at some point. The National Domestic Violence Hotline has anonymous 24/7 help for both people who are being hurt and those who cause harm. 
    • Call: 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233) 
    • Text: “Start” to 88788
    • Visit the website: www.thehotline.org 
Text trained counselors about anything that’s on your mind: 
    • Crisis text line: www.crisistextline.org 
    • Text “START” to 741741
Call 2-1-1 for a 24/7 confidential referral system to get connected to: food banks; substance misuse, mental health, and parenting supports; childcare; and help with relationships. 
©2024 Futures Without Violence. All rights reserved. 
This card was developed with funding from the Office of Family Assistance under contract number 47QRAA19D004U with the Office of Planning, Research, and Evaluation, Administration for Children and Families, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.